Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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