im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
