dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
