dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had sex on a roof
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
