i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
