he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
