i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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