Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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