You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
