Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
