Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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