six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
