i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
