how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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