He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
