Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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