omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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