All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
