i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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