I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
