my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
