Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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