No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
