I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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