The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
