The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize