Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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