Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
