If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Still dying that you shit outside
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
