i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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