I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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