I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize