the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
