it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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