She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
