i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
