Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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