The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
