Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
