he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize