I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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