Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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