When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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