oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
