I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
