Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
