I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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