Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
