ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
