I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
