he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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