Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
