Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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