I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize