i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
