Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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