Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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