1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mom said you looked used
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize