Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize