Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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