Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
