Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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