Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
