i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
