All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They are going to name an STD after you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
