Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
