I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
