why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bring money and cleavage
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize