Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
