idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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