you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
