I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
