I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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