I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
