wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
