He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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