I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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