I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
