i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
