1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
