I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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