There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
